Nobody Miniviews - Afro Samurai

I can't say I was expecting a samurai-themed video game staring Samuel Jackson to hold back at any point, but like so many game adaptations something feels off the moment I start. Maybe its the overuse of in-game symbols in the loading screens alone – more teddy bears than I need to fill my bed. Or maybe its because even the lowly grunts of the video game world take more effort to bring down than Afro ever needed in the hand drawn world.

Even with the comical slapstick of another Samuel Jackson character (since he needs a minimum of two roles in any movie/game/book ever made) doesn't feel right. Maybe its because instead of my bizarre id, he has had to take up a second job as a checkpoint marker to the end of a level. I know the economy is tough all round, but taking it as far as stylised feudal Japan shows how bad it is.

Well if there aren't enough coins/headbands to go around in tough times, I could always thin out the numbers with my trusty pointy object. But for some reason grunts don't fall into a million pieces on the first swing like they used to. Obscene video game rule # 258 “all sharp weapons shall do motherfucking all when trying to cut artificial life”. Oh, I may have spoken too soon! It seems faceless bad guys can become confetti if you rip off The Matrix and slow the fuck down. Motherfucking Success!

Miniviewed by Steven Janjic

email @ nobodygaming@gmail.com

Nobody Miniviews - De Blob

It is amazing what developers are allowed to get away with in games that are labeled as 'kid friendly'. Mario is pardoned for mass genocide of a kingdom of turtles, not to mention his highly questionable fixation on shrooms. And here we have a 12 and under version of V For Vendetta. All these 'bad guys' wanted to do was create order and stop all those people distributing child pornography. Is that such as bad thing? Apparently so, because rebelling against authority is quite fun when you are a walking paint brush.

Rolling into town seems simple enough. Those janitors hired by the new regime seem to have done a good job in cleaning up this town, but now it seems kinda....boring. Wonder what they will say if I make a few trees red. Hmm, no one seems to be complaining – maybe a building next, or why not half a dozen buildings? Hey, now someone brought out the funky tunes in acknowledgement of me, and he knows how to play to my groove. Chillax time is a go!

But it seems the man doesn't quite want me chillaxing. For some completely stupid reason, there are time limits and high scores. However, since there are enough bonus time and points scattered around this totalitarian town, kinda seems that taxpayer dollars are going to waste with this scheme. And while I'm bitching about pointless ideas, whoever legislated that all jumping be regulated to swinging around wiimotes should be removed from office faster than Richard Nixon. But there is no time to complain, I seem to have earned a bajillion points and extras just by doing my own thing in town. Someone bring out the margaritas – the party is off the ball n chain!

Miniviewed by Steven Janjic

email @ nobodygaming@gmail.com

Nobody Miniviews - Assassin's Creed

The atmosphere in the 12th century holy land is as washed out as the colours of the city walls and people. The flicking of the screen and unknown voices really put me in Jerusel- wait, screen flickering?Who and what are these omnipotent beings talking out of sight? And why am I a human lab rat in the future instead of a crusaders era assassin? Alright alright, I'll bear this science-fiction reject stuff if it means I get back to 'ye olde thyme' faster. Yes yes sit in the machine, suffer through a pointless tutorial, can we get on with it please?

Alright I'm in, but something still doesn't feel right. This is a video game, but Atalir is strangely well-endowed for a prologue. After killing a few guards and starting to enjoy myself, I discover Atalir suffers from a Metroid complex – the process of teasing players with a fully powered figure only to rip it away from them instantly. How someone forgets to tackle or shrug off being grabbed I don't know, but Atalir has found a way. Seems if I want all the swag returned to me, I gotta be a good dog and do grandpas chores; eavesdropping on who people think will be voted off Idol this week, and occasionally putting sharp objects into these people. So when do I get to start running around 12th century rooftops?

Finally out of the assassins castle, but now where the hell am I? It's going to take at least a week to reach Damascus with every single guard chasing me unless I walk at the same pace as an old man. And just when you need it, you remember that Atalir still hasn't remembered how to fight against the medieval police. How exactly does someone forget how to parry? Oh well, maybe the sci-fi rejects can answer that?

Miniviewed by Steven Janjic

email @ nobodygaming@gmail.com

Broken Taboo + Nobody Miniviews

Yes I know the Platinum rerelease art is disgusting and ruins any style that boxart would otherwise posess, but for $15 it is hard to complain for something that will be this awesome. Of course I wont get much chance to play until after my rerun through Assassins Creed (for research purposes) but considering how long it will take to download all the new updates, I'll still be waiting for them to finish in 2011.

On the topic of reviews, since no one is calling shots on me at the moment and I've been looking for an alternative to just giving games random numbers out of 5 I will be introducing Miniviews starting this weekend.

One thing that I feel many reviewers overlook is the first impression that games give players. Like a publisher digging through a slush pile of writers, if a game fails to capture its audience early on, there is little incentive to pursue further. The idea is to avoid analysing gameplay mechanics and leaving a number at the end to rate my experience. And like a good piece of writing should, it wont go on for longer than it needs to (250-350 words is more than enough for this) This doesn't mean no more traditional reviews, but until I find a format that I feel suits my writing it is gonna be this kind of stuff instead.

Look forward to the experiment!

Cheers

Wii Sports Resort launch

Plenty of crowds to get through at EB tonight, but its all in the name of Nintendo so it wont matter too much that a few children get crushed in the sea of peoples.

Can't say I blame them either. Mx pretty much guaranteed some presence at the event by promising free copies of Wii Sports Resort to the first five people to arrive, which was pretty much gone by 6pm (not bad for a launch starting at 10). Things didn't get much better out in the cold when the pre orders were piling up at the last minute as you can see belows.

Now enough wasting time and get back to killing your 56k connections!

Too sleep deprived to add the usual witty/annoying comments, so take what you get and enjoy it! Now is my time for my passing out, Cheerzzzzzzz*sleeps*

Just a quickie

Due to teenagers being noctural creatures I don't think I will be considering sleep tonight. Class in a few hours should be plenty dull with a substitute teacher for the next three weeks (one of which has quite the reputation of being meh) so I'll have plenty of time to catch my z's before the Wii Sports Resort launch tonight at EB Swanston.

Lack of funds to pick it up tonight, not even to buy/play for 3-4 days/return for instant refund. Shame to, since a free second MotionPlus and dual Wiimote charger are being offered as bonuses for we Nintendrones with no other outlet for disposing of cash money. On the bright side, there will still be a few hours to try out the games on display and give a half assed demo write up instead of a full review, now lets just hope Nintendo have the balls to stop distracting me with archery and swordfighting and show off the rest of the sports on offer.

Anyways I'm thinking a GTO marathon til the sun comes round the corner

Cheers

Connection Tour 2009 - Welcome to the resort or whatever

Just in case you couldn't tell from giant sign hanging overhead, it was the time of the casual gamer once again. Beneath the behemoth of a sign was the island of DSi inhabited by the people of Rythym Heaven and Pokemon Platinum along with the usual collection of touch generation samples used to entice those with several mortgage payments to go.

Around the mountain that housed the DS games we had numerous tv sets showing off mostly why people should pay money for this game instead of sticking to the free bundle of Wii tennis and bowling. While all 12 sports weren't shown off (or maybe they were and I just didn't notice between all the Rythym Heaven + Guitar Hero) I did get a taste of what to expect when the game hits later this month. For now I'll save my opinions til I get more time at the launch party later this month, and instead just dump the less-blury pics from my borrowed camera.

Pull back on the nunchuck...

...hit the target...

...and win a silly hat!

The budget for chairs clearly went into those headphones.

Yours truly about to defend his honor in Wii Swordplay ... he failed.

But that's not a DS- oh wait, I get it!

Finishing up with the swag haul of 09'