Nobody Miniviews - Afro Samurai

I can't say I was expecting a samurai-themed video game staring Samuel Jackson to hold back at any point, but like so many game adaptations something feels off the moment I start. Maybe its the overuse of in-game symbols in the loading screens alone – more teddy bears than I need to fill my bed. Or maybe its because even the lowly grunts of the video game world take more effort to bring down than Afro ever needed in the hand drawn world.

Even with the comical slapstick of another Samuel Jackson character (since he needs a minimum of two roles in any movie/game/book ever made) doesn't feel right. Maybe its because instead of my bizarre id, he has had to take up a second job as a checkpoint marker to the end of a level. I know the economy is tough all round, but taking it as far as stylised feudal Japan shows how bad it is.

Well if there aren't enough coins/headbands to go around in tough times, I could always thin out the numbers with my trusty pointy object. But for some reason grunts don't fall into a million pieces on the first swing like they used to. Obscene video game rule # 258 “all sharp weapons shall do motherfucking all when trying to cut artificial life”. Oh, I may have spoken too soon! It seems faceless bad guys can become confetti if you rip off The Matrix and slow the fuck down. Motherfucking Success!

Miniviewed by Steven Janjic

email @ nobodygaming@gmail.com

Nobody Miniviews - Assassin's Creed

The atmosphere in the 12th century holy land is as washed out as the colours of the city walls and people. The flicking of the screen and unknown voices really put me in Jerusel- wait, screen flickering?Who and what are these omnipotent beings talking out of sight? And why am I a human lab rat in the future instead of a crusaders era assassin? Alright alright, I'll bear this science-fiction reject stuff if it means I get back to 'ye olde thyme' faster. Yes yes sit in the machine, suffer through a pointless tutorial, can we get on with it please?

Alright I'm in, but something still doesn't feel right. This is a video game, but Atalir is strangely well-endowed for a prologue. After killing a few guards and starting to enjoy myself, I discover Atalir suffers from a Metroid complex – the process of teasing players with a fully powered figure only to rip it away from them instantly. How someone forgets to tackle or shrug off being grabbed I don't know, but Atalir has found a way. Seems if I want all the swag returned to me, I gotta be a good dog and do grandpas chores; eavesdropping on who people think will be voted off Idol this week, and occasionally putting sharp objects into these people. So when do I get to start running around 12th century rooftops?

Finally out of the assassins castle, but now where the hell am I? It's going to take at least a week to reach Damascus with every single guard chasing me unless I walk at the same pace as an old man. And just when you need it, you remember that Atalir still hasn't remembered how to fight against the medieval police. How exactly does someone forget how to parry? Oh well, maybe the sci-fi rejects can answer that?

Miniviewed by Steven Janjic

email @ nobodygaming@gmail.com